Notes to self on 2010

So I was thinking a bit about last year. I guess we all do this: after all the last days of the previous year and the first of the next stimulate to reflect in some way.

So with respect to the observable facts I am not positive: a long-time friend died far too young after a horrible illness, leaving a young child behind. My mother's health has been declining. The daughter of our company's owner got involved in a severe car crash, luckily she survived but she is still in the process of recovery. The political situation in this country is worsening and has been overall disappointing for a while now. My spiritual efforts with Zen meditation have been frustrated for several reasons. My professional life (work, so to say), could have been better and more challenging (I have myself to blame for that, of course), and so has been my social life. Overall my self esteem has not been as good as before.

So my Zen meditation really sucked this year. To some extend this is due to practical problems I experienced with the sangha (Buddhist synonym for community) I belong to, but mainly it is the fact that I am confronted with the fact that Zen meditation is so simple yet so complicated at the same time. You really can't imagine. I am severely struggling with the Buddhist principle that there is no dualism. It got me to the point that during the last months of 2010 I had to limit my meditation practice. Yet at the same time I know that it is the right road, I have to continue. I will try.

So if I had to name highlights of this year these would include the interaction I had with some close friends, my relationship with Michel which is flourishing, and our trip to Asia early this year. Asia never disappoints and always gives energy, so it seems. Should get back there soon.

So I am not a pessimistic person and I try to look ahead. One of the trends I like in my life is that of minimalism. The older I get, the less I seem to care about material stuff and we more and more get rid of it. It adds lightness to life. People observe our house is pretty empty and that is good! Maybe it is a side effect of my Zen practise in the last couple of years, I don't know, in any case Michel and I feel the same bout this.

So then there were these interesting discussions I had with a friend on social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, and the like. My friend dislikes them thoroughly, and I understand him. Social media are omnipresent and hard to escape, they seem to replace normal human relationships and social conventions. Social media are "social" alright, but shallow mostly yet usually entertaining nevertheless. Which make them attractive, I have to admit. And your "friends" always bring positive (or completely irrelevant) news — I know I do — and never write something there that is negative, unless it is non-implicating or has a really low impact. So all that gives a rather false impression about people's lives: it is "social" but it hardly ever gets "personal". Having said that it has also enabled me to regain contact with people from the past and I am happy about that, it seems that social media provide channels through which a level of contact can be obtained that would otherwise not have been possible. For a person like me that provides in many ways an easy way out. The distant and non-committing way of communication suits me. But I have to find a good balance.

So actually I am also telling all this since it relates to the non-dualism of Zen. What people communicate through social media is only a perception (for the reader) of what they truly are and wish to disclose. Yet at the same time this is also who they really are, of course.

So intentions for 2011: develop myself professionally, continue and invest in Zen practise, and loose 5 kilograms of weight (either through physical exercise or by becoming a vegetarian, my choice 🙂